Thursday, 18 November 2010

So what will it be?

There's a constant chatter somewhere in my head. No matter what I may be doing or how busy I may be, this one nagging thought continues to trouble me. I can't resolve it because resolutions often involve risk and that's not something I deal with very well.

I have always liked to believe myself to be a risk taker. But lately it's occurred to me that I may take a risk but after so much deliberation that it doesn't remain risky anymore.

I don't take risks, not unless I am pretty convinced of a positive outcome. I take little steps, testing the ground each time. I almost never take giant leaps.

I have lived the paranoid life almost flawlessly. However on some days I get up asking myself just how much I may have lost on the way because I didn't take that risk when I could have. I know I'll never know for sure. It's that fear of never being able to know that stops me from taking a chance. But it's also the same fear that prods me and pushes me to risk a part of me once in a while.

Each time I stand at the edge of a decision, the same question is asked. So what will it be this time? 

Maybe I'll just let this thought nag me for a while. Maybe I'll leap. Maybe I'll get bored of the constant noise and put it on mute. Maybe something even more annoying will displace it. Maybe.

9 comments:

  1. "All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. "
    - Henry Miller

    "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
    - Robert Frost

    Anonymous II

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  2. So like I said ....You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes, because that’s where the fruit is.....but before you slowly proceed on that limb , just make sure it is strong enough to take ur weight ...u dont want to fall and break ur leg and u wouldnt have reached the fruit either or the one which falls with you wont be worth it.....so the scraped knees you get while edging on that limb are worth it but the broken bones are not....:-)Got it?
    anonymous II

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  3. I see. I shall reply to this via email!

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  4. You are blogging like it's a race. Lol. So much activity? I like very much but. :)

    Btw, I think am going to stop reading your blog, too much similarity is happening.

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  5. What can I say! I have been inspired.. Also please don't stop reading!!

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  6. Haha Zoya, I do not mean similarity in your posts. I mean't similarity with mine ;) It's almost like wait did I write that? no I wrote something so similar! or omg, that was just what I was thinking! :S :P

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  7. maybe there are other things more important than you ! maybe what you do , think , feel doesn't matter at all.

    so it would matter if you risk everything or nothing - the universe doesn't care.

    maybe you could consider stepping outside your little circle of concerns and look at your life from the vantage point of the stars.

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  8. hey zoya i Like ur blog really it's rocking and Also ur English ...do u Wanna join Me On Fb !

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