Thursday, 28 October 2010

Night Lights

I love how the night-lights look, just lines of hope stretched across the city. They hide every crevice and create the illusion that everything is actually beautiful and perfect. They lie and pretend that every corner of the city is actually equal, that every human dwelling is the same. Before the night-lights, all the hunger, poverty, sadness, despair, illness and death are hidden and silent.

It’s the night-lights that comfort me every night as I travel home, that cocoon me and protect me from the demons that cripple me with fear. They are like all the other lies and pretensions I feed myself. They create my less-threatening parallel universe.

For tonight, these lights are my best friends. 

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Because inspiration is a simple word.

In track
Hold on
Fear all you leave behind
And then
Move on
Slow down
And when he stops looking
Run, run, run.

There is always room for inspiration and then there is room for thoughtless thoughts, uncontrolled desire, passionate dreams and fearless living. There’s always room for more, always room to become someone else.

Leaving You

And I am leaving you like I always do
Broken twice, left bright blue
And I am forgetting every fight
Burning the scars, leaving black behind
And I am done with every promise
Tearing every memory, red and cruel
And I am moving to the next plane
Charged thrice, purple orange hue
And I am leaving 
leaving, like I always do.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Changing, as always.

Everyday as I get up, what keeps me going? How do I stay motivated?

I guess it’s partly routine, the moment I get stuck in rhythm it becomes easy to do it the same way everyday. At least for a while, I stay focused and enjoy the easy feeling of repetition. But then slowly my short attention span takes over and I need something else to keep me charged.

As the office timings change, I suddenly feel a little lost. Not because the work I am doing has changed. Not even because I spend lesser time with people I care about, but because I have suddenly found more time for myself in the morning.

I have been programmed to believe that the first half of the day is the most productive. Earlier I had no trouble wasting my time just lying around when I got home after office because I knew that I had spent a whole day constructively. There was no room for guilt.

This has got me thinking about how simple it is to fool the human mind. My mind now thinks I have more time and I need to put it to constructive use. So perhaps, I will. And hopefully, my brain will be fooled for long enough to let me create a routine around it.  

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Flavor of the month

I have always known about my split-second attention. Before I fully think about something, a new idea crops up and poof goes my interest. One moment I am moving full speed, totally excited, and then I change direction and move another way, equally excited. 

On most days, I have a good handle on my impulsiveness. I channelize it towards meaningless things like my need to talk to someone different everyday or to go to new places. But then there are days like today, when my stupid brain leads me from one idea to another. Before I figure one out, my brain has flitted to another. I never know when I'll get bored or just when too little becomes too much. I also don't know why it happens at the exact moment that the idea actually becomes logical and the initial anxiety has passed. 

Perhaps its "the chase" that keeps me engaged. The need to learn more, to dwell deeper, to capture something and then once I fully own it, to finally let it go. Perhaps its the idea of completely experiencing something and then moving on. I don't know. All I know is that even I find it impossible to keep track of my limitless infatuations. 

On days like today, I just wish I could stop and be boring for a while, do the same thing repetitively, or just fall completely, madly and insanely in love with an idea, any idea.