Skip to main content

Stranger, what's your motive?

It's always heart warming to meet someone who's been in the same space as you. Someone who understands what you are saying because he or she has experienced it first hand.

But.

Our brains are so easy to trick. All someone needs to do is talk about something that is even slightly important to us and we go crashing down hill. Sometimes I wonder how many people misuse this basic human need of belonging.

We meet new people so often. How is one to know that they aren't just feeding on our weaknesses. How can one say for sure that the person you met yesterday is not using the information he has on you to manipulate you?

Maybe it's naive to not ask these questions before giving parts of yourself to someone. Maybe it'd take a paranoid mind to even stumble upon such a thought.

Comments

  1. Anonymous4 December 2010 at 14:51

    1. Paranoia is a healthy, God-given instinct. It is to be used.

    2. In lower forms of life, there are two types of symbiotic relationships: parasitism (where the parasite benefits at the expense of the host), and mutualism (where both organisms benefit). Ask yourself, which category does your "stranger" fit in (assess HIM/HER, and NOT only their motives, because they themselves MIGHT be unaware of their motives... for they may be acting on an instinct, and not on a plan). And in doing so, be aware that the benefit to you, versus him/her might be of different kinds (material, educational, emotional...); there is no common currency to compare the benefits. The mistake we often make when we say something like "Oh... he/she just USED me, or MANIPULATED me..." is often rooted in our inability to see the balance.

    3. All said, there ARE parasites... and they do leave you scarred. Often longer than your self-awareness might allow you to comprehend.

    - ASnonymous

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous4 December 2010 at 14:58

    PS (means Picchhon Sujjhi... in Punjabi): In addition to parasites, there are also pychopaths. They simply enjoy harming you. Their only "benefit" is this enjoyment.

    Haven't figured out which one despise more. Parasitism is rooted in evolution. Psychopathy is somewhat of a "new world" thing - part nature, part nurture.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Zoya Brar6 December 2010 at 11:34

    I guess parasitism is slightly better than psychopathy. Also, on some occasion or the other, we have all been a bit of both. So perhaps, there is always a chance that a relationship is skewed towards one person. In most cases, we knowingly let other people take advantage of our weaknesses.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Birthing Rumi - Part 1

The next many blog posts will chronicle my most significant journey yet - of becoming and being Rumi's mama. I considered starting a separate blog but then decided against it. While there is a lot to be said, my identity as his mom is not separate from the rest of me. In being his mama, I have become more of me. And in embracing this with the rest of me, and finding and resolving the contradictions, I have felt more myself than ever before. So I chose to put this here. Where the rest of my life and memories live.   “This is pressure, not pain.” A simple mantra I kept repeating as I went through labour. My waters broke at 3.30 am as Loi (the father to be) and I binge watched Bridgerton. I was one week overdue at this point. We had tried nearly every trick in the book to get baby out. The latest was eating a spicy labour inducing burger (yep, there is such a thing), taking a bumpy ride and eating extremely spicy daal. I had been having contractions (false/real who knows?) for weeks. 
13 comments
Read more

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta
25 comments
Read more

Rollercoaster - Part 5

After what felt like an endless night, we woke up relaxed. And then my brain panicked. They hadn't called from the NICU since 5.45 am. Rumi was waking ever 2-3 hours on an average. So at 9.30 am that could have only meant that they didn't get the memo from the night nurses and demand feeding was again under contention.  Thankfully mom had come back to the hospital and I felt better when Lohit offered to go to the NICU to speak to the nurses and also understand if and when they would shift us to Paediatrics so we could be with Rumi in the same room. Lohit wrote to me that he had met the Paediatrician and they were open to shifting us. However they weren't sure if they would be able to find a room. By now I had begun to question my decision to not buy a breast pump and not read up enough on this topic. So when when hospital offered to get me to meet a lactation consultant, we jumped at the opportunity. She helped me understand how to pump and also got me to do it in front of
Post a Comment
Read more