Lately, I have gotten so used to posting everyday that the sudden gap on this blog has left me a little unhappy. And no, I haven't developed a writers bloc or suddenly found myself too busy. Rather, I have had too many thoughts on my mind. When my mind works at this speed, I cant slow down and put things down on paper. So on days like these, I just let myself be, ponder over and over, sulk a little, and then move to the next day.
How do you categorize things that are so far apart, so abstract and so complicated? How do you successfully preserve every thought, without losing the free spirit that guides it?
Since, I clearly don't know how, today I am just going to write about random things on my mind.
1) Premonition: This thought has been on my mind for a number of days now. A conversation with someone brought it up and I think about it pretty often. Is premonition possible? Can we really sense things before they can happen? Very often, I feel things that I believe exist, even before I know what they are. There are instances when I can almost touch tomorrow, when I can reach to what will be. But then I stop. I laugh at myself. I question every instinct and dismiss every gut feeling. I am often left wondering: Is it my mind playing tricks? Or is there some substance to all these "near" feelings?
2) Reputation: As I have started working, I have become more and more aware of how people judge me. I have also become more conscious of how I judge people. Sometimes I wish there was no judging or repercussion. The curious me wants to know if all of us, including me, would behave differently.
3) Interspace: The first time I heard of this concept was at NUS. The idea that we are filling all our in-between time with something, always making the best possible utilization of the time we have. Each time I sit in the car and put on my music, I make a decision, to personalize my interspace, to tune out all those around me. That is the one hour in the day that I spend with myself and my thoughts. As much as I love other people, I love the little time that is reserved only for me.
4) The Chase: I was speaking to a friend the other night and we started talking about how our lives are all about the chase. We constantly move in circles (discussion for another post) and come back to the same point. We start with passion, excitement and commitment. We then meet hope, persuasion and need. Eventually we bump into either disappointment or boredom. And then, we move on. Yet, humans never tire of the chase. We stumble, and we get up again. Because we know no other way. Because being stable and stationary is too simple and straightforward. We like to complicate things. We like to lose so that we can start over. We are the "glass half empty" species.
I could go on forever. But that's all I have for tonight. Perhaps tomorrow will be a more focussed day.