Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Lately, I have gotten so used to posting everyday that the sudden gap on this blog has left me a little unhappy. And no, I haven't developed a writers bloc or suddenly found myself too busy. Rather, I have had too many thoughts on my mind. When my mind works at this speed, I cant slow down and put things down on paper. So on days like these, I just let myself be, ponder over and over, sulk a little, and then move to the next day. 

How do you categorize things that are so far apart, so abstract and so complicated? How do you successfully preserve every thought, without losing the free spirit that guides it? 

Since, I clearly don't know how, today I am just going to write about random things on my mind. 

1) Premonition: This thought has been on my mind for a number of days now. A conversation with someone brought it up and I think about it pretty often. Is premonition possible? Can we really sense things before they can happen? Very often, I feel things that I believe exist, even before I know what they are. There are instances when I can almost touch tomorrow, when I can reach to what will be. But then I stop. I laugh at myself. I question every instinct and dismiss every gut feeling. I am often left wondering: Is it my mind playing tricks? Or is there some substance to all these "near" feelings? 

2) Reputation: As I have started working, I have become more and more aware of how people judge me. I have also become more conscious of how I judge people. Sometimes I wish there was no judging or repercussion. The curious me wants to know if all of us, including me, would behave differently. 

3) Interspace: The first time I heard of this concept was at NUS. The idea that we are filling all our in-between time with something, always making the best possible utilization of the time we have. Each time I sit in the car and put on my music, I make a decision, to personalize my interspace, to tune out all those around me. That is the one hour in the day that I spend with myself and my thoughts. As much as I love other people, I love the little time that is reserved only for me. 

4) The Chase: I was speaking to a friend the other night and we started talking about how our lives are all about the chase. We constantly move in circles (discussion for another post) and come back to the same point. We start with passion, excitement and commitment. We then meet hope, persuasion and need. Eventually we bump into either disappointment or boredom. And then, we move on. Yet, humans never tire of the chase. We stumble, and we get up again. Because we know no other way. Because being stable and stationary is too simple and straightforward. We like to complicate things. We like to lose so that we can start over. We are the "glass half empty" species. 

I could go on forever. But that's all I have for tonight. Perhaps tomorrow will be a more focussed day. 


  1. Circles it seeems...! truly.

  2. Occasionally, writing a pure Stream of consciousness email (with no specific subject, no scpecific theme) is a very good exercise. The sheer task of putting things down in writing pushes you to think, and it helps develop clarity. More importantly, it will make you think of yourself as an "integration scientist". You will be surprised how much, and how often, the seemingly disparate circles are in fact concentric. You will find your "strands" of thought, in fact, conjoined. - ASnonymous

  3. hmmmmm..........!!! :-)

  4. The Chase - how true...decent post after a long time. Keep em comin zoya

  5. @A1 - you know what I am talking about ;)
    @AS - True... all my thoughts are concentric and extend outwards from the same center.
    @A2 - DB?

  6. Yep.......very much DB!!

  7. Very well written, zoya. Simple - direct. No over the top language etc. that the writers use. I like it.

    The trick is to chase but yet be detached from it - not get involved - the balance is there.

    I have a lot to share myself on each of the things written. May be some day. For now - I can be stable but never stationary. I can move at high speeds and achieve stability in that and I can be stable when I am slow or stationary... But I never want to be stationary - stagnating and I always strive for stability - a balance. Get it?

  8. For once, there is something I disagree with Zoya. Judgements are something I dont think should matter. Apart from your own for yourself of course. And if someone is judging you, how exactly does that make any difference to your being? Noobdy has a clean slate,we all need to make our share of mistakes to learn from it ourselves and move on, how does anyone elses judgment picture in the middle of all this?

    Also, love the point on chase. We get up and move on because we have no other option! so true. its the chase that's the exciting part of life and the funny thing is there really is no destination. its just a constant chase, with the highs and the lows and the laughter and the not-so-much-laughter :) But what we dont realize is how every new innings of this chase is started as a new person, one that was supremely affected by the consequence of the previous inning, knowingly or unknowingly. Right, Thats a lot of text for a comment and I don't know if am making sense. lol.


  9. @ Anonymous - Thanks for sharing. I am glad you liked it. May I know who you are?

    @ Riddhi - In an ideal world, judgements wouldnt matter. In this world, they unfortunately do! I agree with the idea that we start every chase as a new person. That is what makes every chase even more interesting. In some ways we ourselves dont know how we'll react this time!