Skip to main content

Stranger, what's your motive?

It's always heart warming to meet someone who's been in the same space as you. Someone who understands what you are saying because he or she has experienced it first hand.

But.

Our brains are so easy to trick. All someone needs to do is talk about something that is even slightly important to us and we go crashing down hill. Sometimes I wonder how many people misuse this basic human need of belonging.

We meet new people so often. How is one to know that they aren't just feeding on our weaknesses. How can one say for sure that the person you met yesterday is not using the information he has on you to manipulate you?

Maybe it's naive to not ask these questions before giving parts of yourself to someone. Maybe it'd take a paranoid mind to even stumble upon such a thought.

Comments

  1. Anonymous4 December 2010 at 14:51

    1. Paranoia is a healthy, God-given instinct. It is to be used.

    2. In lower forms of life, there are two types of symbiotic relationships: parasitism (where the parasite benefits at the expense of the host), and mutualism (where both organisms benefit). Ask yourself, which category does your "stranger" fit in (assess HIM/HER, and NOT only their motives, because they themselves MIGHT be unaware of their motives... for they may be acting on an instinct, and not on a plan). And in doing so, be aware that the benefit to you, versus him/her might be of different kinds (material, educational, emotional...); there is no common currency to compare the benefits. The mistake we often make when we say something like "Oh... he/she just USED me, or MANIPULATED me..." is often rooted in our inability to see the balance.

    3. All said, there ARE parasites... and they do leave you scarred. Often longer than your self-awareness might allow you to comprehend.

    - ASnonymous

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous4 December 2010 at 14:58

    PS (means Picchhon Sujjhi... in Punjabi): In addition to parasites, there are also pychopaths. They simply enjoy harming you. Their only "benefit" is this enjoyment.

    Haven't figured out which one despise more. Parasitism is rooted in evolution. Psychopathy is somewhat of a "new world" thing - part nature, part nurture.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Zoya Brar6 December 2010 at 11:34

    I guess parasitism is slightly better than psychopathy. Also, on some occasion or the other, we have all been a bit of both. So perhaps, there is always a chance that a relationship is skewed towards one person. In most cases, we knowingly let other people take advantage of our weaknesses.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta...
25 comments
Read more

Well kept secrets - Part 3

Why am I writing all this? What is the point of saying these things aloud? For many reasons. One, to remember. So I can always go back and re-experience the first joys of motherhood. Second to heal, forgive and forget. For those moments that were traumatic - to be able to let go. Third, to inspire more sharing. Pregnancy and labour came with so much advice and so many stories - from every woman I knew. In contrast, the weeks and days and hours after the baby arrived seemed like an empty vacuum. It's almost as if all this is a well kept secret. (I am not sure if its just me that this was a secret from, but I was caught by surprise by the first few weeks of Rumi.) And so, as I dealt with all my emotions, and physical sensations, I decided to break the silence in my own tiny way. RCH was different from Peace Arch. In many, many ways. Among these was that they didn't allow our 'Doula' to stay with us at night. And in a way we thought it was okay. There was only one couch ...
6 comments
Read more

Brainless heart

Instinctive desire Animal sanity Human need No rationality Taking every risk Making every move And then  Regret Reckless desire Left uncontrolled Effortlessly moving  In opposite directions Pulled together Ripped apart Stupid emotions Brainless heart
14 comments
Read more