Skip to main content

Imaginary Friend


You are only a speck on my memories. Almost coincidental and meaningless. I have invested so much energy in you without any satisfaction in the past. I have devoted such a major part of my life to you. I have become a different person after longing for you.

But every need is eventually replaced or fulfilled. Now my energies are diverted to healthier passtimes. I don't spend any time mulling over what used to be yesterday. I dont even regret or wish things were different. I have accepted your indifference and made it mine. I have moved so far from where you left me that you seem almost like an imaginary friend from childhood.

One of these days I will get up and won't know if you were real or just a part of my revisionist memory. One of these days I will forget you.

Comments

  1. Anonymous16 May 2011 at 08:39

    Priceless... simply beautiful piece of prose. "I have accepted your indifference and made it mine." As for the sentiment behind the prose, I dread commenting on it, lest you should say, "Oh.. I was just saying it for effect." Except this time, I won't believe it if you said that.

    - ASnonymous

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zoya Brar16 May 2011 at 08:57

    what effect ? :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous17 May 2011 at 05:40

    IMAGINARY????

    ReplyDelete
  4. Zoya Brar17 May 2011 at 08:54

    Um.. Yes, akin to imaginary

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous17 May 2011 at 23:11

    Vincent van Gogh said, "Emphasize the essential, and leave the obvious vague." Your writing epitomizes it.

    ASnonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous18 May 2011 at 23:42

    I have read this piece several times, and I find myself spellbound each time. Truly a masterpiece.

    ASnonymoous

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous20 May 2011 at 03:11

    oh my god - so good - so touching - so grown up and sensible
    i dont want to spoil the effect by passing any comments
    wont say anonymous :-)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta...
25 comments
Read more

Well kept secrets - Part 3

Why am I writing all this? What is the point of saying these things aloud? For many reasons. One, to remember. So I can always go back and re-experience the first joys of motherhood. Second to heal, forgive and forget. For those moments that were traumatic - to be able to let go. Third, to inspire more sharing. Pregnancy and labour came with so much advice and so many stories - from every woman I knew. In contrast, the weeks and days and hours after the baby arrived seemed like an empty vacuum. It's almost as if all this is a well kept secret. (I am not sure if its just me that this was a secret from, but I was caught by surprise by the first few weeks of Rumi.) And so, as I dealt with all my emotions, and physical sensations, I decided to break the silence in my own tiny way. RCH was different from Peace Arch. In many, many ways. Among these was that they didn't allow our 'Doula' to stay with us at night. And in a way we thought it was okay. There was only one couch ...
6 comments
Read more

Brainless heart

Instinctive desire Animal sanity Human need No rationality Taking every risk Making every move And then  Regret Reckless desire Left uncontrolled Effortlessly moving  In opposite directions Pulled together Ripped apart Stupid emotions Brainless heart
14 comments
Read more