Life Itself

You know how there are some days that take you up and down memory lane so fast that you lose your breath? Today was one of those for me. If I look back at the last few hours and try to pin down life-changing, landmark moments, perhaps there were none. Yet, there was so much on my mind today that I don't know where or how to begin documenting all my thoughts. So I guess this is going to be one more random rambling, with no end or beginning. 1) School friends are friends forever. Today after years I actually sat down for coffee with a really old friend. It felt wonderful to be with someone who's seen you grow up. While I sat there, it felt so comfortable and normal. Like we had been meeting everyday. It felt like nothing had changed in the last few years. Just like always, we were still discussing boys and our families and movies. Perhaps the only thing that changed is that from gossiping about school friends we were discussing our colleagues. Also, instead of going on a wa

I have been meaning to do this post for so so long that it seems cliched in my own head. I feel like I have read this somewhere before, like I have written this before. I am not sure if its just my brain playing tricks or if this thought has been done to death before. In any case, I am taking the chance of being repetitive because I need to get this on paper. Music. Five simple letters that have the power to change everything. There is this one song that always makes me happy, no matter where I might be. Then there is another that always makes me cry. Another that reminds me of my first boyfriend and then another that reminds me of my best friend. Each time I listen to a song I am taken back to the first place I heard it. For example, 'the last kiss' always takes me to 10 D. 'Years in the sun' always takes me to Sacred Heart Convent School - Raghav's farewell. 'Mr Lonely' transports me to my house in Saket on a particular day. 'White trash beautifu

I am going to write you a letter describing everything I can't say. I am going to frankly pen down every emotion. The letter is going to talk about all that we have been through and everything I wish I had said to you back then. Its also going to describe all that I feel for you. For once, I will be honest and clear, without metaphor or abstraction. For once, I will tell it like it is. It will explain to you just how much I care about you and just how much everything you say and do means to me. And then I am going to seal the letter and bury it in my cupboard. 

I hear you say, what you can't speak. I see you hope, what you cant perceive. I sense you imagine, what you cant believe. I feel you desire, what you cant achieve. But I continue to pretend, for your self-esteem.

I was listening to this new song:  Our Kind of Love  and it got me thinking. What is my kind of love? I am not sure... Maybe a few years back I would be able to put it down in a few idealistic lines. Today I cant say with as much certainty. Part of me still wants that crazy fairytale. That sweep-me-off-my-feet moment that lasts forever. The kind of love that runs so deep and insane that rationality can't touch it even if we tried. The type that makes you do all the cheesy things that make everyone else want to throw up.  Yet, I have a stinking suspicion that I would be bored of the fairytale only too quickly. My kind of love would also have to be partly challenging. The type that keeps me constantly engaged with the idea of 'what if'. Perhaps it would go far enough but leave a slight doubt to keep me engaged, interested. Honestly, over the years I have slowly given up the idea of having a "type". I am easily bored by any type after a while. Perhaps my perfect

For quite some while now, I have been meaning to write this out. Not because I need to, but because I think I owe it to my few faithful readers to sum up the one theme that was in and out on my blog for a while now. Like you all might know, for a few months I was going round and round in eccentric circles. Amongst other things, my blog was dominated by this one thought, this one risk that I "almost" took so many times that by the end of it, it seemed pretty stupid and pathetic. You will be glad to know that whilst I stood at the edge of this decision, I did take a plunge. I leaped, and how I leaped. I plunged face forward into what could have been the worst decision of my life. Only, it turned out to be just one more mistake, stacked in the file of could-have been's. Life is strange. It can be quite a surprise if you watch yourself do things that you thought you never would. All my risky behavior has left me with is a slight amusement at how easy it was to move on f

[Disclaimer: For those of you who always want to know who my post is for, this is not written for one person. It may read like a sloppy love poem, but its really not. If you want a clue, this poem is for everyone that’s meant something to me. If you know you matter to me, try finding yourself in there.] Remember that letter I wrote you once, finally forgiving all that you had done? Remember that day you taught me how to spell? Remember the nights filled with gossip under torchlight? The days you came back only because I missed you? The day you told me the most painful secret and trusted me with it? The days I lied to protect you? Remember, when we first fell in love?   The day we cried till early morning because I was leaving? The day you told me she was a lie and you loved me. The days you cycled for miles. Remember, when we were bold and passionate? The days we believed our whole lives were ahead of us. The day we walked for endless hours only because we wanted to. The day you