Thursday, 17 May 2012

A really old one...found this in my drafts

It's hard to believe in yourself. I realized just how unsure I am of myself as I met him recently. It's strange how some people can play mind games so effectively that before you know that you are being played, you already show all your cards and take up the losing position.

I can never know with him. I am never sure of what he's thinking or what he means when he looks at me. I am always left wondering about his intentions, wanting to understand a little more each time.

Perhaps it's curiosity, perhaps there is really something there and we are too scared to embrace it. The problem is that each time I am with him, I feel like a little girl being led without her will. I feel protected, yet completely exposed.

On most days, with most people, I don't let my guard down. With him, keeping my defenses up is always such a struggle.

It's always that point one percent chance that screws you over.

I am convinced enough to wrap the idea and discard it in the heap of 'could have been'. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be - just a series of unfathomable memories. Maybe its only anxiety mixed with loneliness. Maybe its as real as it will ever get.

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever know. 

No comments:

Post a Comment