Skip to main content

2011

[Last year, I put up a post called 2010 and this year I am going to do another one called 2011. I am tempted to make this a tradition.]

You were exhilaration. You were disappointment. You were the tip of the mountain. You were the bottom of the sea. You taught me that coffee is bad for me, that being fat can happen more than once, that friendships and love can grow stronger with time, that no axiom applies to everyone, that risks need courage, that when you can't muster that courage - life makes you, that repetition is boring, that security is only as important as you make it, that change is liberating, that one genuine sentence can change hearts, that friends will be friends, that puppies make people both happy and sad, that hysteria* is possible, that revenge really scars everyone, that time does heal, that scrabble is fun at any age, that memory has a way of selectively keeping things that matter most, that lakes are serene, that sunlight streaming from your bedroom window is more important than the size of the room, that safety is state of mind, that paranoia can be cured, that money only matters if you don't have it, that shopping isn't so much fun after all, that it can be satisfying to selflessly do something, that its possible to reach the top very quickly - even from the bottom, that things always look shinier from the outside, that propaganda* comes in many forms, that there is always another way, that the worst sometimes brings out the best, that saag never changes, that some people will always care, that its easy to let go.

2011, you were a year of self awareness and insight. You taught me that I hate being by myself, that I need ownership, change and stimulation, that I am easily bored, that once I stop - there is no going back, that I can be my shiniest self only when I feel challenged and secure (and yes, its possible to be both at the same time), that details don't make me happy, that I focus on the bigger picture, that my motivation comes from people, that I am the choices I make, that love makes me strong.

As you go by, you will always be remembered as a year of self discovery, of learning, of change. Time will tell if the choices you helped me make were for the better or worse, but you will never be slotted in my years of regret. You will always be the exemplar of risk taking, fortitude and hope.

*Hysteria -- As I walked up to the stage to meet SRK, I lost every sense of "who was watching" or "what I was doing". I am not even a big fan, but as I ran up, I lost myself in all the madness and cheer. I felt for the first time just how powerful charisma can be. 


*propaganda

Comments

  1. Very eventful year - to say the least. Of all your learning from 2011, there are two that I believe to be very significant: that you are a big-picture person, and that you get your motivation from people.

    ASnonymous

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, yes, and an even more eventful year to come - if the first few minutes of 2012 were anything to go by :P

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta...

Well kept secrets - Part 3

Why am I writing all this? What is the point of saying these things aloud? For many reasons. One, to remember. So I can always go back and re-experience the first joys of motherhood. Second to heal, forgive and forget. For those moments that were traumatic - to be able to let go. Third, to inspire more sharing. Pregnancy and labour came with so much advice and so many stories - from every woman I knew. In contrast, the weeks and days and hours after the baby arrived seemed like an empty vacuum. It's almost as if all this is a well kept secret. (I am not sure if its just me that this was a secret from, but I was caught by surprise by the first few weeks of Rumi.) And so, as I dealt with all my emotions, and physical sensations, I decided to break the silence in my own tiny way. RCH was different from Peace Arch. In many, many ways. Among these was that they didn't allow our 'Doula' to stay with us at night. And in a way we thought it was okay. There was only one couch ...

Brainless heart

Instinctive desire Animal sanity Human need No rationality Taking every risk Making every move And then  Regret Reckless desire Left uncontrolled Effortlessly moving  In opposite directions Pulled together Ripped apart Stupid emotions Brainless heart