Life Itself

And then he turns to her… “Save me”, he says. [Is thunder enough to shake her? Or does she need the rain? She told him it’s all over, Then why did he turn again??] She looks at him, And asks herself “Why?” [Friends don’t kill each other Then why did she let him die?] Tears stream down Crying for him Crying for her Is there anyone to blame? Sorrow erases sorrow And pain soothes pain He holds her hand in his She firmly pulls it away. “It’s over”, she repeats, Loud and clear. Can relief be enough reason?? Can love sway? [Yes, she did love him deeply But it faded away.] He looks at her And weeps And with each drop Her soul: hardening This is the last goodbye. Her joy His grief [What grows together… Doesn’t always die in oneness… It’s a sad picture Sorrow begging, misery] She turns He turns Knowing so well They may never meet But in their hearts She knows He feels There is never a goodbye. Every tear they cry, Will heal.

In my mothers womb I heard a voice talk Unlike other infants And to my mothers wrath, It was my father sharing Many of his thoughts. One day about a prince The other day about some frogs But the best was only one The one told everyday About dolls and frocks. As I grew from womb to school He taught me how to dance How to spell my name How to walk Everything…. [Memory fades away] Then one night as I slept I heard him softly walk away I pretended to be asleep And he preferred it that way I guess he was scared Scared, I would blame. I never stopped him And he never stayed We slowly grew apart And things began to change I learned to live without him To dance my own way I even learned to write Though our style's grew astray Then one day 15 years from the last in womb I sent him a poem I wanted to know what he thought If he thought I could rhyme A year passed And no reply I gave up But continued to write. 4th of June: Today I opened ...

Furious thoughts unevenly spread Scribble, scribble quibble, quibble Addicted Dipped in ink Inspiration flowing Attended, passed. One idea, Then another instead. Using, abusing Ranting ahead Jotting, blotting Said, still unsaid Cross out Write again Frustrated, determined Driven, insane Crush the paper Throw away the pen Words knifed across the arm Hate inscribed and left to interpret Deed done Life lost A final word and at it, left

Suddenly they separate Falling like tears from a dream Drop by drop Touching me Wiping away ink from paper breaking and shaking word by word reaching out leaving me dishevelled With only memories tear by tear washing me

Frosted emotions   Kept unseen Latched in boxes Sewn in seams Voiceless feelings Hidden inside Knotted and crushed Put out of sight Bustling anger Jostling tears Curtains drawn Concealed fears Silenced guilt Empty screams Tearless hurt Broken dreams Almost said Then left alone Too scared to cry? So smile in stone.

Stifling within I want you to know It’s tearing me apart Beginning to show Hear the words I do not say Feel the things I can’t portray Chorus Grant me loved wings Let me soar Hear my heart Give it a cure See the tears I cried so long Silence covers All my sound And I look at you So calm, sincere Your eyes speak Why won’t you care? Chorus Hold me close Hear me say Love me now Don’t go away It kills me so Can’t keep this inside I love you Don’t want it to hide Chorus*2 (fade)

A brown tattered album Frayed by hands of the past Yellowed termite eaten pages Memories burned and aghast Old frayed thoughts Touching faces captured in pose Looking and feeling An era of long ago A smile etched on paper A tear cried and captured Wine, salt and emotions Left to enrapture Last threads that tie Today with yesterday Pictures in history Imprinted again in memory

Walking alone Solitude or loneliness? A slow merging reality Questioning destiny Heart or mind? Me or mine? No record left No way back Weighted passions Stabbing and belittleing Dreamer from somewhere Merchandising reality Giving up everything In search for an illusion

Two separate nations, divided by land and sea. Living in different time-zones, far away: you, and me. Yet, love cuts through distance, feelings travel over miles hearts beat together sending love, across time. Relying on instinctive trust Moving with unsure-surety. Born worlds apart, hoping, someday, to meet. Growing closer: unshaken, forsaken: reality, there, for a moment, we forget. And almost touch caught in bliss, in mockery. And then again, we remember: you, I and the miles in-between.

Rock-cut intricately woven in a gold chain A diamond heart lost and estranged Another: A scented letter agelessly written worded in loving pain Picture of togetherness those sad-happy days of deceitful romance casting loves embrace Once again I stumble on memories diamonds and letters lovers, loved and gone cared, hurt and withdrawn, leaving treasures to remind. A teardrop and it’s over cutting across ages sifting through time smile for those thoughts for pain, sublime.

Fragile, beautiful, complete venomous beauty she looks like him she frowns like him. Even that smile striking grace. Tightly held, treasured for sure. Bundled in assurance cuddled in security in hands that walked me, giving her borrowed love I look at the man she’s with A loving glance, Not returned. His eyes are mine, yet the love is hers. There must be a reason for her to take my place ruin the memory Scar the face He still loves me. Ludicrous painting My father fathering her.

A quiet peaceful woman Rosary clutched tightly Clad in white Thick rimmed glasses Toothless smile Young minds cross her Everyday No one stops Shouting, questioning, They walk away. Small mercy: she’s deaf She sits by the window Looking outside Seeing a world That’s left her behind She gets up happy To be beaten and unfed Left in the hands of selfish regret Small mercy: she forgets. She stares at today But faces yesterday Her face is hopeful Her emotions: inept She looks at her world Fragrances of flowers Beauty and smiles. Small mercy: she’s immobile. An enchanting woman In a disheveled body: Broken legs Deaf ears Chained in Alzheimer’s. Small mercy: her heart is fed Her soul is complete Her dreams are covered Her thoughts in-shield

It was unsaid He was gone [Last night he was here And things seemed alright But happiness doesn’t last It vanished with the night] She cried They cried not together Each to his own [ He was the man of the house And now they felt unprotected, Forlorn] She was crossing by their room And heard a muffled cry It broke her heart But she only sighed [Personal pain Weighs far more] Walked past the door Walked past her child Guilt glistened in her eyes Nothing more to say [Thought: he was selfish Leaving them alone] It breaks her heart He just comes and goes Just when they move on The past knocks at their door [it a sad painting together yet lonesome] Last night He came on impulse Took them to dinner Leaving her at home [She brings them up He takes them away The pain is hers The pleasure all his] She glances at her driveway Sees him walking away And he looks back His tear stricken face [Both with tears Weeping all alone] ...

Eyes that look not at, but through E ars that hear their own silent voices Words that speak and caress only the speaker Minds that dream shallow thoughts of selfish destruction Lonely crowd each to his own living his death

I wrote a promise and sealed it with dew perfumed it with love and blew it to you I captured a dream treasured in memory I sent you the thought, and set it free I whispered a prayer And silently craved for serenity and peace then gave you my fate I carved a sculpture hands steady and true molding till perfection then saw it grow into you. I painted my masterpiece of a late night beach You were there Just a little out of reach. I kept looking for gifts and searching for things to do but there is no price to give that can bring me you. I closed my eyes dissapointment and tears I felt a touch and saw, YOU, wiping my fears.

Shut the window what you see is not today. Those dreams, those sounds, belong to yesterdays. Draw the curtain, conceal your fear, obstruct your thoughts, pretend not to hear. That kiss, that smell that cushioned embrace, block those eyes constrict the space. Kill your senses, dont let them feel. Murder the desire, let wounds heal. Ease your past, soothe your grief, sense the closure, bow and leave.

Wet lips quivered and said, “I’ll forget, you’ll forget.” Words left to resound in their heads. She turns He turns Knowing so well, they may never meet. A last glimpse their love, past tense. _________________________________ That was months ago. Today again, she sits and writes, but instead of words memories creep inside. The smile that was his the magic in the kiss the power of his hold the songs that were told the endless surprise the language in his eyes This time her poem is complete, words unsaid, on a tear-lined sheet. She whispers, hoping for him to hear, “I said I would forget but here I stand, drowned in memory. I said you would forget but here I stand askance, do you remember?”

I tip-toe down the stairs, trying hard to remain silent. Like every Friday, the house is enveloped in a wisp of chocolate air. I slide into the kitchen, she's standing near the sink. Hair smudged in flour, hands covered in sugar, busily mixing ingredients. I kiss her cheek without expectations. I tell her I am leaving, pick up my bag, and hurriedly say goodbye. I sit in my bus and close my eyes. I recollect Fridays gone by and each has only one thing in common, Chocolate. It's been twenty years now since her first chocolate. She was baking for him, with very little time, she cooked in her red chiffon dress. Even today she sits by the window chocolate by her side waiting for a man, long gone. and like her first mourning the chocolate is thrown away, uneaten.

Inches away her misty dream she's walking against every wind that beats moving towards that silver sheen. Half way through tired aspirations spent unsurity, clogging her head she begins to surrender. Yet with denial comes hope another reason to move ahead. slowly she closes her eyes to all that's left behind. and nervously she clutches his hand and takes a step into darkened regret. And another, but this time she's surer. With every dark night her moon appears brighter. With every unsurity her determination grows stronger.

Tiny feet in shoes too big, trying to hide from yesterdays of guilt. Frantic pace in a whirlwind of treason largish steps afraid of the reason. Clitter, clatter, spring, winter, autumn, there's no end to dreams unforgotten. 8, suddenly 19 tomorrow is yesterday smack! her creation, her destruction. A pitiful picture, feet too big, sticking out of shoes too small.

Brew me a cup, for old times sake. Sit with me and hear about my yesterday. Laugh as I recall all my lovers and men. Weep for every broken heart and each forgotten friend. Cheer for dreams held onto and every happy end. Regret each lost chance and every failed attempt. Be my childhood friend or be the one from school. Be the father that never was or the mother who left too soon. Be the religion, or be the hope that carried me through. When I reach the end wipe my tears and yours too. Then slowly drink your cup and leave mine on my grave. Tomorrow again brew me your special, for old times sake.

I see her carry the baby across her chest. He clings to her with hands, abnormally small. Half dressed, smeared in her selfishness, I see him shiver. His greedy, selfless eyes, his ribbed chest, his mud-clogged hair. A bloody bandage, Covered with ants, wrapped, protecting his head. She begs at my window with an empty bottle. I almost give in, then turn to my magazine instead.

I am the colors in your palette spread within your boundaries fading when the picture is seen I am the notes in your music held together by guitar strings vanishing each time you sing I am the images in your words held together in your metaphors complicated as you compose I am the thoughts in your diary crafted within each belief stored away in shafts I am the poetry you write woven silently on bathroom walls washed away after every bath I am me, dimming as I grow I am me, complicated and alone I am me, left exposed.

We are always in and out, one day here - tomorrow there. I am always left wanting; sometimes a little, most times a lot. We are always playing those games, pretending we care; being people we're not. You are always giving me hope - loving me hard, hating me soft. We are always in transition, changing our faces, trading our cards - I am always just the same girl, with mellow eyes, and a broken heart.

I see her see you I see you see her Then I close my eyes and deafen my ears I look at random music and kill the feeling inside I slowly stub the passion the want to pull you aside Then I see you touch her and caress her with your eyes I see her want you I see you want her Again I look the other way pretending not to care I hate you for loving her yet love you every time

Disheveled, dirty unkempt, unclean. A smirk that covers everything seen Notorious sad movements hiding innocent dreams Cut, bruised hands behind pocket seams. Eight, nine maybe, experiences deceive and observing minds perceive -E ighteen. A child actor On an old broken stage With shimmering ways and eyes that assuage He understands yet pretends to remain just a little child smiling while the innocence stays.

Where’s the remedy Where’s the cure Where’s the answer Who made you so unsure Where’s the conviction Where’s the reason Where’s the honesty Who brought in this treason Where is safe Where is home Where is protection Who left you this alone Where’s the hope Where’s the light Where’s the trust Who will make it alright Who am I Who are you Where are we Who will know?

You are my secret, dark, twisted and leashed. You are my horror kept inside, unseen. I shooed my thoughts, burnt the malady. I deafened my senses blinded my dreams. Then The radio-silence The tortured screams The clandestine pain The aghast belief. Erased? Maybe, will never be.

I am an idea sown in unrest I am an ambition surreptitiously kept I am a movement unheard, unfelt I am a rebellion precariously held I am a question loud and blunt I am a silence forced and abrupt.