Skip to main content

Feel again

But it took a while
Didn't it?
To hear your own silence
To feel that which you had numbed

And here you are
Face to face
With that which scares you
With every pretense removed

You spent all your reserves
To hide your light
You hid so well
You forgot you were hiding

Then suddenly, slowly
All those cracks opened up
The wounds were fresh again
Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Who are you now
with all the roughness gone
with all your defenses lost
who are you now

The questions knock endlessly
as you stand right there
Unable to move, unwilling to move
swayed by nothing.

Who told that tiny girl
That pain was bad
Who told her that hurt should be given away
Who told her forever can't be had?

You spent years thinking
love was to be written up
Unspoken, unfelt, unheard
you didn't let love in or out

And now what?
Now where do you go?
Who will you be
now that you can be anything?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta...
25 comments
Read more

Like I always do

I am going to write you a letter describing everything I can't say. I am going to frankly pen down every emotion. The letter is going to talk about all that we have been through and everything I wish I had said to you back then. Its also going to describe all that I feel for you. For once, I will be honest and clear, without metaphor or abstraction. For once, I will tell it like it is. It will explain to you just how much I care about you and just how much everything you say and do means to me. And then I am going to seal the letter and bury it in my cupboard. 
17 comments
Read more

Memories of you....

There is a strange sort of nostalgia that pulls me towards you again and again. Each time I say goodbye and think I have forgotten, memories come reminding.  Shards of yesterday A million dreams  Scattered and nameless  I always wonder if I made a mistake with you. And the little space of could-be leaves me annoyed and just a little unsure.  And as always I write about it and leave it like I see it, as a lingering-passing thought. Perhaps tomorrow I will remember a little lesser. Perhaps tomorrow I will finally let go.
11 comments
Read more