For me, the only real way to get over something as significant as this, is to write about it. Write about it so much that it becomes almost like you are telling someone else’s tale, like you are blogging about something you watched as a by-stander.
What a week it was. What started off as a casual - I’ll go and charm her into giving me what I want - turned into the worst nightmare of my life. I stood and watched helplessly as I was told about a world that I barely knew existed, one that I definitely didn’t know the rules off. So I watched as the characters changed, the scripts got edited and re-edited, the director’s chair was swiftly occupied by a different character every few hours. And all along there was an underlying fear, suspicion and constant feeling of deception.
It is easy to rely on your intuition - you at least have a decision and either right or wrong, you deal with the consequences and move on. This was different. For the first time in my life the consequences were bigger than I could imagine, tougher than I could comprehend and swifter than I could perceive. I was being lead, and I was told to lead. It was a full mash up of all the crappy Bollywood movies I have seen so far and I was every character - from victim to evictor.
And then you wonder as you watch your life play out in front of you - is this who you really are? Aren’t your choices just as illegitimate as anyone else’s? Would you not call into question anyone else who made the move that you did? Were you really that helpless? And then the most important one of all - is this really over?
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