We were so close to perfect, so near completion, so well pieced together. Until we we were just not.
Sometimes it takes you many months - many cycles, before you figure out that what you see is only a shadow, only a mirage, only an illusion. Reality is 'un-perfect'. It doesn't care for emotion, for sensitivity, or even for compassion. Reality is brutal, honest, straightforward. Reality says it like it is -black & white. Grey shades only exist in the blank spaces between denial and acceptance. The moment you crossover, its fairly simple. Either its good, or its bad. Either its right, or its wrong. The only questions then are those that live in the hope of white, of good, of righteousness. Everything else stares you blankly in the face.
Intellectually, I know this better then most other people. I can slice the problem, dissect it into all its views, state it clearly and present the most rational prognosis. But does that really count? When the question confronts you head-on, does intellectual capacity really mean anything? Does it matter who can deduct, interpret and analyse better? Or is the only relevant question, "what do you do once you have understood?"
And what if, the only thing you are capable of, is to have a great grasp on reality. What if you are only equipped with a complete emptiness of purpose, a defeat of reason - an inaction?
Sometimes it takes you many months - many cycles, before you figure out that what you see is only a shadow, only a mirage, only an illusion. Reality is 'un-perfect'. It doesn't care for emotion, for sensitivity, or even for compassion. Reality is brutal, honest, straightforward. Reality says it like it is -black & white. Grey shades only exist in the blank spaces between denial and acceptance. The moment you crossover, its fairly simple. Either its good, or its bad. Either its right, or its wrong. The only questions then are those that live in the hope of white, of good, of righteousness. Everything else stares you blankly in the face.
Intellectually, I know this better then most other people. I can slice the problem, dissect it into all its views, state it clearly and present the most rational prognosis. But does that really count? When the question confronts you head-on, does intellectual capacity really mean anything? Does it matter who can deduct, interpret and analyse better? Or is the only relevant question, "what do you do once you have understood?"
And what if, the only thing you are capable of, is to have a great grasp on reality. What if you are only equipped with a complete emptiness of purpose, a defeat of reason - an inaction?
Once you understand reality there is only one thing left to do; to accept it. Once an intellectual conquers the war of acceptance through rationalization of cause and effect, they are to a final realization, that life is just a slow end. An end that waits rather patiently if you are smart about it. People have one leg in the past and one leg in the future, while they piss on their present. This is the downfall of most people, they forget the ever so important present trying to know the future and un-do the past. That is until they accept it and learn the art of moving on. An art I still have to master.
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5-d?
ReplyDeleteJust a random soul browsing the internet late at night and happened to stumble upon something inspirational.
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so sweetheart - when you say all this - the most difficult part is done - experiencing all this, means the hill has been climbed, now standing on the top - deep breathe ,think, decide and act. move on smiling, happy - great heights have to be conquered. HB
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