Wednesday, 2 January 2013

2012

[For the last two years I have been putting up an end of year post: 2010, 2011. This year, I turned this blog off sometime in July. Now this post needs context, so here I am posting again.... something's are so hard to let go off.]

You were a year of turmoil. A year of change. A year of growing up. 2012, I never should have let you have your way with me.

You were uncertainty  You were pain. You were the incomplete lyrics of the poem that never became. You were the start of the end. You were the road's last bend. You were achievement. You were insane.

2012 started off as a year on drugs - quitting my job, setting up my start-up,  and somewhere in between finding, losing and finding myself again. I learnt that real friends stay with you, even when you give up on them. I learnt that people change, that some places do too, that some always stay the same. I learnt to depend, I learnt to trust, I learnt to let people in. I learnt to halt. I learnt that things that hurt are best let go off. I learnt that lying to yourself is criminal. I learnt that being honest to yourself is sometimes impossible.

As I lost the rhythm from last year - all that kept me busy at college, at Google - all suddenly tossed away, I learnt to be patient, to take each day as it comes, to hope and trust, to be optimistic, to be realistic. I learnt to lead, I learnt to follow, I learnt to be fair, I learnt to stand up, I learnt to bow down.

I saw things without rose colored glasses. I saw success just a decimeter away, and quickly slip away. I realized the difference between reality and a simple mirage. I saw the fighting urge crawling and gnawing at every last hope. I saw the cliff and confronted the most important question: would we fly or would we fall?

I shook hands with real thrill, with insane power, with daunting responsibility. I slept with dreams, I flirted with possibilities, I committed to a crazy plan. I held on, I stumbled on. I felt tiny joy as each milestone was met. I learnt to hit stop, to sigh, and to never regret. I learnt to move, to do a jig, to carry on.

I learnt, I re-learnt, I re-tried.

5 comments:

  1. How about you try the following thought experiment?

    Write a 3-year reflection (say 2010-11-12) AS THOUGH it was one year. In other words, zoom out and view a broader time-canvas. I'd be so curious to see your view of the happenings in you, and in the world around you - in the macro.

    Anonymous-no-longer!

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  2. Hmm..interesting..Maybe I will

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  3. You're an inspiration. This is lovely. And I have you to thank for reducing my fear of growing up. Keep writing.

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  4. I don't know if I can take any credit for anything, but it's always a pleasure to have you stop by here :)

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  5. wow - i have seen some of that happen - and have seen and felt the trust and depending part,being fair - growing up actually - has been a very happening year with so many learnings and experiences - all for the better. well done.

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