Skip to main content

Stupid vicious cycle

That moment, when you have tried every trick in the book, including the very trick that the book advises you never try: being completely honest - and nothing comes of it.

That sensation of inching doom, when you have done all you could, other than giving up - and got nothing in return.

That uneasy frustration, when you have written, screamed, silently begged - and the only person who heard you is yourself. 

That awkward brush of reality, when you admit that every effort has been in vain - and only go back into self denial.

Comments

  1. Anonymous6 July 2012 at 09:20

    i just loved this from top to bottom...
    so true

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous6 July 2012 at 22:39

    sigh .. no escape from the circle of (un) reason!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Zoya Brar9 July 2012 at 00:52

    thank you for reading! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. CoyCox15 July 2012 at 19:33

    This is also the moment of maximum learning

    ReplyDelete
  5. Zoya Brar16 July 2012 at 01:15

    True that....:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Zoya Brar16 July 2012 at 01:16

    True that....:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous16 July 2012 at 21:27

    or complete unlearning

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta...
25 comments
Read more

Well kept secrets - Part 3

Why am I writing all this? What is the point of saying these things aloud? For many reasons. One, to remember. So I can always go back and re-experience the first joys of motherhood. Second to heal, forgive and forget. For those moments that were traumatic - to be able to let go. Third, to inspire more sharing. Pregnancy and labour came with so much advice and so many stories - from every woman I knew. In contrast, the weeks and days and hours after the baby arrived seemed like an empty vacuum. It's almost as if all this is a well kept secret. (I am not sure if its just me that this was a secret from, but I was caught by surprise by the first few weeks of Rumi.) And so, as I dealt with all my emotions, and physical sensations, I decided to break the silence in my own tiny way. RCH was different from Peace Arch. In many, many ways. Among these was that they didn't allow our 'Doula' to stay with us at night. And in a way we thought it was okay. There was only one couch ...
6 comments
Read more

Brainless heart

Instinctive desire Animal sanity Human need No rationality Taking every risk Making every move And then  Regret Reckless desire Left uncontrolled Effortlessly moving  In opposite directions Pulled together Ripped apart Stupid emotions Brainless heart
14 comments
Read more