Life Itself

What scares you the most? Is it knowing that you are alone or knowing that you are constantly being watched? Is it knowing that everything is nothing or knowing that everything could actually be something? Is it holding on too tight or letting go too quickly? Does it worry you that life is too short or that life may go on forever? Is it in knowing that you are most scared of or is it the unknown that cripples you? What scares you the most? For me, it's fear itself.

I love how the night-lights look, just lines of hope stretched across the city. They hide every crevice and create the illusion that everything is actually beautiful and perfect. They lie and pretend that every corner of the city is actually equal, that every human dwelling is the same. Before the night-lights, all the hunger, poverty, sadness, despair, illness and death are hidden and silent. It’s the night-lights that comfort me every night as I travel home, that cocoon me and protect me from the demons that cripple me with fear. They are like all the other lies and pretensions I feed myself. They create my less-threatening parallel universe. For tonight, these lights are my best friends. 

Stop In track Hold on Fear all you leave behind Turn Reconsider And then Move on Slow down And when he stops looking Run, run, run. There is always room for inspiration and then there is room for thoughtless thoughts, uncontrolled desire, passionate dreams and fearless living. There’s always room for more, always room to become someone else.

And I am leaving you like I always do Broken twice, left bright blue And I am forgetting every fight Burning the scars, leaving black behind And I am done with every promise Tearing every memory, red and cruel And I am moving to the next plane Charged thrice, purple orange hue And I am leaving  leaving, like I always do.

Everyday as I get up, what keeps me going? How do I stay motivated? I guess it’s partly routine, the moment I get stuck in rhythm it becomes easy to do it the same way everyday. At least for a while, I stay focused and enjoy the easy feeling of repetition. But then slowly my short attention span takes over and I need something else to keep me charged. As the office timings change, I suddenly feel a little lost. Not because the work I am doing has changed. Not even because I spend lesser time with people I care about, but because I have suddenly found more time for myself in the morning. I have been programmed to believe that the first half of the day is the most productive. Earlier I had no trouble wasting my time just lying around when I got home after office because I knew that I had spent a whole day constructively. There was no room for guilt. This has got me thinking about how simple it is to fool the human mind. My mind now thinks I have more time and I need to put it to c...

I have always known about my split-second attention. Before I fully think about something, a new idea crops up and poof goes my interest. One moment I am moving full speed, totally excited, and then I change direction and move another way, equally excited.  On most days, I have a good handle on my impulsiveness. I channelize it towards meaningless things like my need to talk to someone different everyday or to go to new places. But then there are days like today, when my stupid brain leads me from one idea to another. Before I figure one out, my brain has flitted to another. I never know when I'll get bored or just when too little becomes too much. I also don't know why it happens at the exact moment that the idea actually becomes logical and the initial anxiety has passed.  Perhaps its "the chase" that keeps me engaged. The need to learn more, to dwell deeper, to capture something and then once I fully own it, to finally let it go. Perhaps its the idea of complete...

Skip the introduction Move quickly to the next Ignore the contradiction Capture, don't suggest.  Hold onto my attention  React to every threat Mimic my imagination Offer, don't expect.  Recognize the transition Rush as you interpret Track each movement Watch, don't correct.  Sense the nearing end Lay down the last bet  Close with precision  Leave and forget.