Skip to main content

The Many Shades of Revenge

Revenge can be such a horrible place to be in. To feel that clinching desire to payback, to watch as you become the very person you despise, to reach hatred again - and see it directed towards yourself.

I have watched too many people succumb to this need. To prove and disprove till such a point, that the premise gets lost. I have seen satisfaction and extreme self-doubt, experienced all at the same time. I have felt pain as it passes from one betrayal to another. I have heard each screaming epiphany over mistakes repeated over and over. 

Just as agony apparently dwindles, I have seen regret take over. From one counter-play to another, I have held the tired mind and felt the bated-breath. And as the end draws near, I have seen regret refuel and restart.

I have poked holes and filled cement into all these delusions. I have been on every side of this argument.

I wish I could say I have learnt my my lesson. 

Comments

  1. Khadeer6 February 2012 at 00:09

    Great post, you've communicated your thoughts without giving out specifics.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zoya Brar6 February 2012 at 00:12

    Thank you Khadeer, glad you liked it!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Could I have imagined you?

Every year, I think about you. Not too many times, but consistently, a few times. And each time I am not sure how I should feel. There is a vague sense of loss, a subtle tinge of abandonment, a painful realisation of independence. But mostly, there is just a numb nothingness.   Who were you? I am not even sure I remember your face. Your smile, yes. Your eyes, too. But in pieces, in context. I can't imagine your reaction in a new situation. I can't see you as you may have become. I can only see the frozen moments that I have embalmed in my head.   I wonder if you feel the need to see me. If you imagine what it may feel like to talk to me now. If you wish you had known me all this time. If I am even a real person to you. If you have convinced yourself that I don't exist.   Perhaps it isn't as simple as moving on, as erasing, as avoiding. Maybe it's an intense removal, a complete denial. I don't hate you. I don't love you. It's an absence of anything ta...
25 comments
Read more

Memories of you....

There is a strange sort of nostalgia that pulls me towards you again and again. Each time I say goodbye and think I have forgotten, memories come reminding.  Shards of yesterday A million dreams  Scattered and nameless  I always wonder if I made a mistake with you. And the little space of could-be leaves me annoyed and just a little unsure.  And as always I write about it and leave it like I see it, as a lingering-passing thought. Perhaps tomorrow I will remember a little lesser. Perhaps tomorrow I will finally let go.
11 comments
Read more

Birthing Rumi - Part 1

The next many blog posts will chronicle my most significant journey yet - of becoming and being Rumi's mama. I considered starting a separate blog but then decided against it. While there is a lot to be said, my identity as his mom is not separate from the rest of me. In being his mama, I have become more of me. And in embracing this with the rest of me, and finding and resolving the contradictions, I have felt more myself than ever before. So I chose to put this here. Where the rest of my life and memories live.   “This is pressure, not pain.” A simple mantra I kept repeating as I went through labour. My waters broke at 3.30 am as Loi (the father to be) and I binge watched Bridgerton. I was one week overdue at this point. We had tried nearly every trick in the book to get baby out. The latest was eating a spicy labour inducing burger (yep, there is such a thing), taking a bumpy ride and eating extremely spicy daal. I had been having contractions (false/real who knows?) for we...
13 comments
Read more